Knowing when to back down...I didn't black out, flame diffused!!

Background

The last year of my marriage has been one for the books smh (it takes the cake because I finally began standing up for myself and letting him know what I just will not stand for). Well, last year around Augustish I put my foot in my mouth and told my husband if he is not happy, go and find someone to make him happy! He took that ball, blamed me, and ran with it (*1 & Disclaimer- I do not receive that blame because you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink). How the time though that is how I was feeling or so I thought until it SMACKED me all in the face ;-( 

Well little did I know he had began a new job that March and had met a  this woman  which I later found out began to tell him all her relationship issues*2 and he began to put himself in her mans shoes. He liked how she would go out of her way for her man being as though he felt he was not getting what he needed or wanted at home. Long story short he befriended her and my words some months later would be the straw that broke the camels back and he decided to pursue her sexually! By this time we weren't (i will be real I was sexing him but not often) intimate because I had a feeling no I knew he met someone despite his denying it. In turn, I grew distant began throwing up DIVORCE ME, I HATE YOU, I'M DONE, ETC.*3 The affair lasted until Mayish, June from what I know with some breaks in between because we would decide we are going to make our marriage work and we would be okay...that is until he did or said something that I did not like and I would flip out on him  using the above FORBIDDEN WORDS and it has not all been empty threats we have been separated (not from under the same roof sometimes unfortunately) but mentally, physically and anything else. I wanted to hate him, be done with him and everything that had to do with him other then raising our son together, we even planned on me moving out. She was there and is still there at his disposal if he was to choose. He is honest with me ;-) on his terms though which sometimes maybe for the best because even though we swear we can handle the truth and we deserve to know the truth sometimes it is better in smaller doses.

These last few weeks we have been trying to reconnect again and I found out that he saw her a couple of weeks ago in public and he told me to what extent and that it was nothing more then a ride nut my inquiring mind needs details  every single one, but there is a time we are at a very fragile place (I carry a lot of Bitterness, Anger, Hurt, Resentment, etc that I can only depend on God to heal and make a new *4 so I am on edge (hence the anxiety vitamins)if you're curious, i am in no way endorsing this product and will review my own opinion at a later date! waiting for the ball to drop so like he said when I asked...I know you, when I answer you, you will ask me 21 mores questions which will then turn into an argument. Please focus on us I will tell you (which I know he will because he is brutally honest with me as my mother in law would said) I had to stand on the truth today because my husband usually comes to me with the truth when he is pushed into a corner and as much as my blood was boiling I had to BACK DOWN which is a work in progress for me my MIL always tells me there is a time and a place to talk, you have to know it and decide which results you want. 

So, today I diffused an argument that more then likely would have started knowing our history! It is hard knowing my mind goes a wandering but that is the enemy trying to throw me off track and I have to take those thoughts to God and allow him to be my inner peace!

How do you ladies talk yourselves down when you want something from your spouse that you know they can't give you at the moment in order to diffuse the flame inside?

Well until next time check out the lessons I leave you with below (feel free to add your own to the comments) and have a BLESSED DAY ;-)

Lessons:

1.) MOST VALUABLE NEVER EVER EVER TELL YOUR MAN TO SEEK HAPPINESS OR ANYTHING FOR THAT MATTER FROM ANOTHER WOMAN (NO IF ANDS BUTS OR PERIODS)

That is where something that had nothing to do with me became my fault! Just DO NOT DO IT, not worth finding out if you have a man who really will or not besides if God gives him no out who am I to.

2.) I never believed in CHEATING, my mom cheated on my stepdad and is some what an exception because they are still together some ten plus years later but believe me when I say it was not without a price to pay and I for one hated her for a long time for it. I have been exposed through various family members and even had opportunity it is not the answer for me!

THE LESSON LADIES NEVER EVER GIVE ALL THE PLAYING CARDS IN YOUR DECK TO A MAN ESPECIALLY BEFORE YOU GET TO KNOW HIM BECAUSE HE WILL USE IT AGAINST YOU, TELL YOU WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR, WHAT YOU DESERVE, ALL TO GET WHAT HE WANTS USING THE MENTAL PLAYBOOK YOU WROTE OUT FOR HIM!!

Especially a married man, come on ONE God will not bless the affair TWO despite what you see in the movies or the few who beat the odds HE WILL NOT LEAVE HIS WIFE FOR YOU!!!

3.) CHOOSE YOUR FIGHTING WORDS WISELY (DIVORCE, HATE, I'M DONE, ETC)

At the time I really did feel that way and these were the only fight words I had and I meant them at least I wanted to but unless you are ready to RUN WITH THAT DIVORCE then all they do is after the hurt begins to wear off and breed anger and if you thought they didn't care before why would they care about someone who is ONE DONE and TWO HATES YOU...this is one I am fighting to this day i found myself in that place a few weeks ago and all it got me a ASS TO KISS ...LADIES IT'S NOT WORTH IT)

4.) A MAN OR NO EARTHLY PERSON CAN RELEASE YOU FROM ANY PAIN (EVEN WHICH THEY HAVE CAUSED, NO APOLOGY, NO EXPLANATION, NO NOTHING NADA WILL HEAL YOU BUT A GOD FIX!!