Knowing when to back down...I didn't black out, flame diffused!!

Background

The last year of my marriage has been one for the books smh (it takes the cake because I finally began standing up for myself and letting him know what I just will not stand for). Well, last year around Augustish I put my foot in my mouth and told my husband if he is not happy, go and find someone to make him happy! He took that ball, blamed me, and ran with it (*1 & Disclaimer- I do not receive that blame because you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink). How the time though that is how I was feeling or so I thought until it SMACKED me all in the face ;-( 

Well little did I know he had began a new job that March and had met a  this woman  which I later found out began to tell him all her relationship issues*2 and he began to put himself in her mans shoes. He liked how she would go out of her way for her man being as though he felt he was not getting what he needed or wanted at home. Long story short he befriended her and my words some months later would be the straw that broke the camels back and he decided to pursue her sexually! By this time we weren't (i will be real I was sexing him but not often) intimate because I had a feeling no I knew he met someone despite his denying it. In turn, I grew distant began throwing up DIVORCE ME, I HATE YOU, I'M DONE, ETC.*3 The affair lasted until Mayish, June from what I know with some breaks in between because we would decide we are going to make our marriage work and we would be okay...that is until he did or said something that I did not like and I would flip out on him  using the above FORBIDDEN WORDS and it has not all been empty threats we have been separated (not from under the same roof sometimes unfortunately) but mentally, physically and anything else. I wanted to hate him, be done with him and everything that had to do with him other then raising our son together, we even planned on me moving out. She was there and is still there at his disposal if he was to choose. He is honest with me ;-) on his terms though which sometimes maybe for the best because even though we swear we can handle the truth and we deserve to know the truth sometimes it is better in smaller doses.

These last few weeks we have been trying to reconnect again and I found out that he saw her a couple of weeks ago in public and he told me to what extent and that it was nothing more then a ride nut my inquiring mind needs details  every single one, but there is a time we are at a very fragile place (I carry a lot of Bitterness, Anger, Hurt, Resentment, etc that I can only depend on God to heal and make a new *4 so I am on edge (hence the anxiety vitamins)if you're curious, i am in no way endorsing this product and will review my own opinion at a later date! waiting for the ball to drop so like he said when I asked...I know you, when I answer you, you will ask me 21 mores questions which will then turn into an argument. Please focus on us I will tell you (which I know he will because he is brutally honest with me as my mother in law would said) I had to stand on the truth today because my husband usually comes to me with the truth when he is pushed into a corner and as much as my blood was boiling I had to BACK DOWN which is a work in progress for me my MIL always tells me there is a time and a place to talk, you have to know it and decide which results you want. 

So, today I diffused an argument that more then likely would have started knowing our history! It is hard knowing my mind goes a wandering but that is the enemy trying to throw me off track and I have to take those thoughts to God and allow him to be my inner peace!

How do you ladies talk yourselves down when you want something from your spouse that you know they can't give you at the moment in order to diffuse the flame inside?

Well until next time check out the lessons I leave you with below (feel free to add your own to the comments) and have a BLESSED DAY ;-)

Lessons:

1.) MOST VALUABLE NEVER EVER EVER TELL YOUR MAN TO SEEK HAPPINESS OR ANYTHING FOR THAT MATTER FROM ANOTHER WOMAN (NO IF ANDS BUTS OR PERIODS)

That is where something that had nothing to do with me became my fault! Just DO NOT DO IT, not worth finding out if you have a man who really will or not besides if God gives him no out who am I to.

2.) I never believed in CHEATING, my mom cheated on my stepdad and is some what an exception because they are still together some ten plus years later but believe me when I say it was not without a price to pay and I for one hated her for a long time for it. I have been exposed through various family members and even had opportunity it is not the answer for me!

THE LESSON LADIES NEVER EVER GIVE ALL THE PLAYING CARDS IN YOUR DECK TO A MAN ESPECIALLY BEFORE YOU GET TO KNOW HIM BECAUSE HE WILL USE IT AGAINST YOU, TELL YOU WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR, WHAT YOU DESERVE, ALL TO GET WHAT HE WANTS USING THE MENTAL PLAYBOOK YOU WROTE OUT FOR HIM!!

Especially a married man, come on ONE God will not bless the affair TWO despite what you see in the movies or the few who beat the odds HE WILL NOT LEAVE HIS WIFE FOR YOU!!!

3.) CHOOSE YOUR FIGHTING WORDS WISELY (DIVORCE, HATE, I'M DONE, ETC)

At the time I really did feel that way and these were the only fight words I had and I meant them at least I wanted to but unless you are ready to RUN WITH THAT DIVORCE then all they do is after the hurt begins to wear off and breed anger and if you thought they didn't care before why would they care about someone who is ONE DONE and TWO HATES YOU...this is one I am fighting to this day i found myself in that place a few weeks ago and all it got me a ASS TO KISS ...LADIES IT'S NOT WORTH IT)

4.) A MAN OR NO EARTHLY PERSON CAN RELEASE YOU FROM ANY PAIN (EVEN WHICH THEY HAVE CAUSED, NO APOLOGY, NO EXPLANATION, NO NOTHING NADA WILL HEAL YOU BUT A GOD FIX!!

For Your Info...

I will be using this vlog as my release, I am coming to you ladies as MrsB because frankly only a couple individuals in my real life know the REAL RAW DETAILS and most frankly could just not handle it or it's not their business. I want to be as real as possible because I be needing to get things off my chest and who knows I just may reach someone who is going through the same and we can help each other or whatever the case maybe.

Don't be afraid to reach out to me if I feel safe enough I am willing to identify myself to some lady like me who needs a listening ear, kind word, and just someone else in their right mind who can understand their craziness!!! 

Lol, I hope to give you many laughs as I navigate the many things that go on in my head at any given moment which is why I am currently taking all natural vitamins (I will actually REVIEW these soon) for anxiety now so I don't explode especially on my husband lol see I am just as real as the next!

Good night, until next time...

Finally Brave Enough..An Introduction!

So, I have been thinking of making t

his journey into Bloghood for over a year now since I discovered them over two years ago when I began to embrace my natural hair! I mean I became so obsessed I literally spent day and night at work, on my phone, or anywhere else I could find access looking up blogs...which then gave me the confidence which led to working up the nerve to cut all my hair off and do the Big Chop (WOOO WHOOO is that right? I don't know!)...

Anywho, that is not what I am hear to talk about (I mean if you care and ask I will kindly share some of my experience with you) so I will kindly get to the point! Last night was my 4 Year Anniversary to my husband. It feels like 10, if you are or have been married I am sure you can agree ;-) and in the 6 years that we have known each other we have been through just about any and everything you can think of Sex, Lust, Friendship, Relationship/Marriage, Lying, Cheating/Adultry, Sin, Anger, Child Birth, Step Parenting, Bitterness, Bad Money Mgt, etc. and etc. I think you get the point may even be wondering why we are still married. Well we have threatened Divorce numerous time (me a whole lot more then I can count) and when I sit down and think about it that is not what I want. Don't get me wrong I believe in divorce especially if it is effecting your well being or your children (POINT BLANK PERIOD)!!! 

It is just not what I want for my Spouse and I, at least without completely turning it over to God and letting him have complete control of Me and my Marriage (one partner must be willing to give him more then just lip service (yeah you all know what that is). If not kindly ask me about it...lol. Although we have had lots of Bad when we have Good it is Good (we talk, we joke, we laugh, and just bring an overall peace and calm to our home). I want that to become an everyday occurrence... rebuild a trust, rebuild a genuine best friendship, and foundation that will carry us through any STORM  (BECAUSE LETS FACE IT ALL MARRIAGES FACE STORMS) the difference is rather it is man against woman against storm or Man, God, Woman (teammates) against Storm. I want a teammate, No I will have a teammate to live out this thing called life!

We both have to want this and we both have some changes to make starting with ourselves individually (my husband and I have wasted many a days and nights as many spouses I am sure can relate waiting for the other to give in and get on board with the way either one feels things should work out to their benefit and IT JUST DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY (IN MOST CASES)!

Change begins within, so hear are a few of mine you lovely gals can hold me accountable to...

1.)Put God First

" So watch yourselves, that you do not forget the covenant of the Lord your God which he made with you, and make for yourselves a graven image in the form of anything against which the Lord you God has commanded you. For the Lord is a consuming, jealous God." (Dueteronomy 4:23-24)

Man man man have I done this and anything can be the head of your life and before God...Self (because self is stubborn and wants what it wants when and how it wants), Spouse (loving your spouse (husband) in my case more then any and everything in my life putting him on a pedal stool where it was his way or no way, anything he said was basically final word), worrying, anxiety, stress (allowing your problems to become the forefront of your life and keep you in bondage)...some of those are just a couple of my things and it is time to answer the call because God has been calling me to allow him (because he won't force you) to regain Control and be first in my life. I have given him much lip service and even put forth the steps to give him the control but I need to actually form a intimate relationship with him because honestly no one will ever love me like he does (I mean he gave his only Son so that I can have life) and I can't even say I can make that sacrifice of my son because he means the entire world to me even in his 3 year old stubbornness lol so that right there must tell you that us as mere human beings aren't capable of loving another human being like Him and he made us that way for a reason so that we always seeks him or will yearn him! He does not let up and in most cases you will continue to learn the hard away until you allow him to love on you and have the relationship he desires for our benefit at that!

So, I know you ask what has taken me so long to realize this in my old age of 26 lol...hmmm I am stubborn, think I can do it on my own and boy has he showed me time and time again that boo, I better make this commitment so I can live the beautiful life he has desired for me or boooooooooo keep learning the same lessons over and over and over that he has been trying to instill in me...all coming back to he must be number 1 in my life!!!! "YOU GONE LEARN TODAY" (IN KEVIN HEART VOICE)

DO YOU KNOW ANY GOOD BIBLE STUDIES OR WANT TO START ONE...(EMAIL ME PLEASE YEAR5MINUS364@GMAIL.COM)

2.) Respect/Submission...

"Wives in the same way submit to yourselves to your own husbands so that if any of them do not believe the word, they maybe won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see purity and reverence of your lives." (1 Peter 3:1)

**Allow me to check this right now and clear it up OKAYYY, this scrpture or word "SUBMISSION" can be taken out of context and is misused too often especially by husbands (mine is no exception) wives too...the husband is not to be ruler over the wife, doing any and every thing that he see fit, treating her any ole' way, expecting her to do any and everything he say UHHH NO BOO BOO (SAT DOWN) the husband is to submit his life and will to God and the wife while the wife is submitting herself to the husband and God which in turn will complete the circle, bring Glory to God and all the needs of both spouse will be met!

Now that I cleared that up before I get yelled at, the wife is suppose to respect my husband. In my anger and bitterness I have been very guilty of not showing my husband fairness, respect, or love! Men equate RESPECT WITH LOVE, women on the other hand equate LOVE WITH RESPECT (think about it, it is all the same different title). He is human, he has feelings (emotions), and he makes mistakes just like any other human being walking God's Green Earth! First and foremost, God loves him flaws and all...who am I especially as his Wife (Better Half lol) not to show him love and respect especially when I have had my own share of wrong (maybe not as bad as his...but when God looks down on us all no Sin is bigger or smaller then the next and he loves us through it all)...I expect him to understand me and met me halfway so I must be a willing participant!

Okay, ladies this is just the beginning I can't wait to share more of my stories, lessons, and all that good stuff with you all. I hope you continue to follow my journey (and maybe a few young (and old) ladies will learn from my past so it will be one less path traveled) cause I plan to be upfront and raw with you all...until next time!

Is God first in your life? Where did you begin? Sisters (and Mothers is you have stumbled upon my story) in Christ help me out!!

What are some lessons you have learned in you marriages?

Feel free to comment and leave constructive advice (you can email me too)...